Second greatest pain in my life

One day, a man walked into the dentist"s office for some dental work.

The dentist said, "Sir, you have a tooth I must pull, What type of pain killer would you like?"

The man looked at the dentist and said, "None, thanks, I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life."

The dentist said, "Sir, pulling this tooth Will be painful, I suggest a painkiller." The man looked back at the dentist and said, "I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, Nothing else will ever compare."

The dentist said, "Sir, I"m telling you, use a painkiller."

The man again said to the dentist, "I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, I do not need painkillers, now pull the tooth."

The dentist then said, "Okay, You asked for it, But first, tell me what was the second greatest pain in your life?"

The man said, "Yes, I remember it well. I was hunting in some woods north of here one snowy day. Walking through the woods, the urge came upon me and I headed over to a tree. Well, I started to do my thing, and when the first part dropped, It set off a large bear trap that was hidden in the snow that closed on my balls. That was the second greatest pain in my life"

The dentist then said, "Ouch! But then what was the first greatest pain in your life?"

The man replied, "When I reached the end of the chain."

If you get caught sleeping on the job, here's some quick excuses!

It's okay...I'm still billing the client.

"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the
last time-management course you sent me to.

I was working smarter, not harder.

"Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"

"I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"

This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people !

I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance

I'm in the management training program

Actually doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) you learned at the last mandatory seminar your boss made you attend.

This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamt about work!

"I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?"

Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.

The coffee machine is broke....

Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot.

Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!

It worked well for Reagan, didn't it?

I was cross-training for telecommuting.

Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!

Wasn't sleeping. Was trying to pick up contact lens without hands.

The mailman flipped out and took out a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot.

I thought you(boss) were gone for the day.

An American has sex with a Soviet emigre woman and catches a strange venereal disease (this time, a green ring around the base of the penis). The patient goes to a doctor who says he's never seen anything like it, but his penis will probably have to be amputated.

The patient then goes to another doctor, who also doesn't know anything about this disease, but thinks the amputation is indicated. Deeply distressed, the patient decides to go to a Soviet emigre doctor, figuring he may be familiar with this V.D.

Indeed, the Soviet emigre doctor says, "I know this disease! Your American doctors always want to cut. Don't do anything. Two week later, prick fall off by himself!"